My Worries BLesson

Way back then I remember being different, I remember seeing different, I remember feeling different but it didn't matter way back then, I believe that is when it began, paralyzed at the thought of what my peers would think of what I thought and the way my eyes blinked, they'll probably say this when they see my name in ink, she I wanted to ask questions, I thought that I would be pushing the wrong buttons, from there I became who I wasn't, no more loving, just the thoughts in my mind buzzing. All I wanted to know was if you could be my date, can I show you my expression? Then came the mental debates, worrying about what you think, all I wanted to say was that I have been through this and I have witnessed that, but I was stopped in my track and hit with a bat of scheming unbelieving thoughts, they'll disagree and I'll assume it's because of me and the way I see. I thought I could disagree and not be ashamed of how they thought of me. I love thick girls, they're so damn beautiful, I love the rolls and the softness, but to admit that was the hardest,I think that you talk to much, and you're too self righteous but if I say that you might just make a mess, sometimes your breath is a little tart and I have gum to offer but how do I start? I'd like to say to you, "How gorgeous your are, when you walked up you brightened my day," but she'll think I'm a wasted of time and go her own way, I 'd rather enjoy walking up to you and tell you that I like your haircut, but I assume you'll say "Nigga, what?!" I'd like to come out and object to your statement, I enjoy homosexuals and gay people, whatever you label them, they're cool and see life differently, there's something about them, an attraction exquisitely represented but at first resented, what will the guys think of this, I may be dismissed over a feeling, a thought of a blissful kiss but if this is what I feel then why should I worry, why do I need to care about what hasn't happened and what's not even there? PEople will think what they say, what they will say and think what they think, no matter how I feel, no matter how I blink, I just know that I'll do and think what I please, no matter the obstacles of words and mental movies, watching out for me and getting groovy, my focus is breaking the pattern and opening my mind past the planets, to Saturn. You know I'm often afraid to write about my inner most feelings and desires for fear of being denied my power, the voice in my choir. But I write to inspire and give what you require.