To myself

Dear me, 

I am sorry while your hands were shaking you tried so desperately to fix them all. I am sorry you didn’t know that fixing them meant you had to bleed. I am so sorry that these scars remind you of how you failed. You tried and tried but a failure is still a fail. 

I am sorry that I didn’t give you time to heal while you sealed the wounds that weren’t yours to bear. I am sorry you felt you had to smile, because good girls smile all while you sat down because your empty shell couldn’t move .

You feared that someone would notice you’re damaged, even though all you secretly wanted was for someone to hear.  

I’m sorry the people you gave your all for didn’t give it back and all you felt was under attack. 

I am sorry for the nights you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. 

But, most of all I am sorry I didn’t love you the way you deserved to be. 

Forgive me.