to myself three weeks ago

I know some say that virginity is a social construct

But I can see the longing in your eyes whenever you see a couple holding hands

I know your heart aches when he kisses her on the forehead and looks at her like she’s the only girl in the world and you hope some day you’ll receive that same look.

No.

Your first time should be special, from a boy you really love who cares about your comfort and feelings more than his own. Your first time should be with someone who thinks you’re beautiful fully clothed with the lights on. Someone who will stroke your hair and hold your hand and tell you he won’t leave you and mean it. It shouldn’t be in a stairway late at night with a boy who doesn’t know that you’re favorite color is green, or that you hate calculus but love physics and you’ve been broken before and you’re full of demons and you just want to feel something, feel wanted, desired, not to be alone for a few moments with the thoughts that keep you up at night.

No. You are worth more

You do not need a boy who doesn’t even know your last name to take something so precious from you and then act like it didn’t happen 3 minutes later.

You are not whole when a boy decides you are attractive enough to fuck.

You are whole when you are at home with yourself. When you are familiar with your missing pieces and need nothing but your own self worth to fill them. You are only whole when no one but yourself can say with full certainty that you are beautiful.