During my 5th and 4th grade years,
Well, I don’t want to say that I was hot stuff…
But I’ll say it anyway:
One. Popular. 10 year old.
Hollister jacket hair straightener iPod Nano
You name it—
I didn’t have it.
But somehow, regardless of missing these standard school supplies,
I managed to make it to the A-List.
This was by no mere happenstance, mind you.
What happened was I’d convinced my fellow 4th and 5th graders that
“Hollister was too mainstream.”
That’s right, folks.
It was I.
The original hipster.
Trade in your namebrand jackets for Walmart hoodies
Hair straighteners for scrunchies
And iPods for Big K mp3 players because
Geek is the new chic.
So I rocked that middle school
Like a Jonas Brothers concert—
“Kissing hands and shaking babies.”
I rode the cool tide for a solid two years
…until Big K failed me.
I swaggered down the aisle of Bus No. 18
Signing autographs and shining reaffirming glances to hopeful 3rd graders—
“You’ll get there one day, kid.”
Upon arriving at the front of the bus—
Oh yes, I rode in the back—
I leapt from the top step to the graveled road.
Normally such a feat would have been zero difficulty
But this time was different.
See, before I leapt,
I tangled my foot in my headphone cord
Dragging my trusted Big K mp3 behind me.
With each bump of the mp3 on the steps my heart wrenched.
Cradling my broken baby bird
I ran up my driveway and to my house to assess the damage.
As I gently pressed the power button,
No more did the majestic pixelated unicorn
Gallop merrily across the screen.
For a moment though, it seemed to come alive,
Filling the air with a funeral dirge
Signifying my demise.
This was it.
My life was over.
I went to school the next day
Greeted by a hoard of hoodied, scrunchied, mp3 listeners
Waiting for me—
Long story short,
I was overthrown by the new girl with an iPod Touch.
Soon the way of the geek went that of the stegosaurus
(And by that I don’t mean awesomely and in a vegetarian fashion.)
My own subjects…
And maybe that was my problem:
I treated my subjects like objects
And when I lost a material object
My subjects left.
I was no Queen of middle school.
No. Latifa and Freddie I was not.
I was just a poor girl from a poor family
Who thought the way to the top
Was to manipulate those around me.
Well, mind games didn’t pay off in the end,
Only earning me mindless friends.
And those friends weren’t even real friends—
Just fake friends of a fake hipster
Who started fake trends
And herself became “mainstream.”
Eventually geek really did become chic
And for that two-week window
I was reminded of my glory days.
But, as windows generally do,
It closed and now I’m a little more than toastie
Sitting in my Walmart hoodie.
But I refuse to abandon Big K status—
I shall ride my majestic pixelated unicorn in the sunset.
And I’m finna rock that shit like a Jo-Bros concert.