During my 5^th and 4^th grade years,

Well, I don’t want to say that I was hot stuff…

But I’ll say it anyway:

One. Popular. 10 year old.

Hollister jacket hair straightener iPod Nano

You name it—

I didn’t have it.

But somehow, regardless of missing these standard school supplies,
I managed to make it to the A-List.

This was by no mere happenstance, mind you.

What happened was I’d convinced my fellow 4^th and 5^th graders that

“Hollister was too mainstream.”

That’s right, folks.

It was I.

The original hipster.

Trade in your namebrand jackets for Walmart hoodies

Hair straighteners for scrunchies

And iPods for Big K mp3 players because

Geek is the new chic.

Circa 2004.

So I rocked that middle school

Like a Jonas Brothers concert—

“Kissing hands and shaking babies.”

 

I rode the cool tide for a solid two years

…until Big K failed me.

I swaggered down the aisle of Bus No. 18

Signing autographs and shining reaffirming glances to hopeful 3^rd graders—

“You’ll get there one day, kid.”

Upon arriving at the front of the bus—

Oh yes, I rode in the back—

I leapt from the top step to the graveled road.

Normally such a feat would have been zero difficulty

But this time was different.

See, before I leapt,

I tangled my foot in my headphone cord

Dragging my trusted Big K mp3 behind me.

With each bump of the mp3 on the steps my heart wrenched.

Cradling my broken baby bird

I ran up my driveway and to my house to assess the damage.

As I gently pressed the power button,

No more did the majestic pixelated unicorn

Gallop merrily across the screen.

For a moment though, it seemed to come alive,

Filling the air with a funeral dirge

Signifying my demise.

This was it.

My life was over.

I went to school the next day

Greeted by a hoard of hoodied, scrunchied, mp3 listeners

Waiting for me—

Their leader.

Long story short,

I was overthrown by the new girl with an iPod Touch.

Soon the way of the geek went that of the stegosaurus

(And by that I don’t mean awesomely and in a vegetarian fashion.)

My own subjects…

Forsook me.

 

And maybe that was my problem:

I treated my subjects like objects

And when I lost a material object

My subjects left.

I was no Queen of middle school.

No hipster,

No. Latifa and Freddie I was not.

I was just a poor girl from a poor family

Who thought the way to the top

Was to manipulate those around me.

Well, mind games didn’t pay off in the end,

Only earning me mindless friends.

And those friends weren’t even real friends—

Just fake friends of a fake hipster

Who started fake trends

And herself became “mainstream.”

 

Eventually geek really did become chic

And for that two-week window

I was reminded of my glory days.

But, as windows generally do,

It closed and now I’m a little more than toastie

Sitting in my Walmart hoodie.

But I refuse to abandon Big K status—

I shall ride my majestic pixelated unicorn in the sunset.

FOR NARNIA!

And I’m finna rock that shit like a Jo-Bros concert.

Circa 2014.