Nausea

I understand why now

Why you must be sedated to function 

If you could even call it functioning 

I don't want to touch it anymore

It made me feel like I was you

Unconscious and rotten inside

With too much pooling up under my skull

My veins are green and full of nausea 

I swear I can see roots bursting through my arms

Not enough fresh air, so I opened a window,

Only to find the screen I removed last summer 

Is no longer there.

Protection, no longer within reach

The insects crawl to my neck

To cover what's left 

Fog flows through my ears to my mind

I do not dream, I do not wake.

I am only a pile of intoxication 

Vomit, vomit, messy messes are all I make

Greasy, greasy, nasty face 

Cut, cut, cut the shards of the mirror out

Lay them on the grass to watch the stars

Headaches, headaches, it doesn't end

You've inflated my head with helium 

To float away, am I grasping at thoughts to hold?

Blasting noise into ears of a damn war veteran 

So they hurt again, so I can tell myself I can still hear because I am losing my hearing everyday

Do you know what that is like? 

Listen to me, since you have the choice to hear, but I have no choice, I am left with a deteriorating body and I am only 16.

You've been messing your body up since god knows how long, but you've still got everything in the right places. Everything works right.

Except your mind, that's too far gone, but who really cares if your minds gone when you've got a pretty face.

I wish I hadn't woken up. 

If I could take a pill to fix my 60 year old body

But lose my mind, 

I'd be just like you, finally,

My role model, my favorite torture device

There's thorns underneath my skin

Punctures throughout my body

I'd do anything to be born stronger, better, a man,

I'd be praised for my leadership instead of scolded,

Instead of being antagonized.

I'm stuck in a chair tied down by disability. 

You don't know what it's like. None of you know.

There are no ropes for you to try to rip each morning 

To see they're still there everyday

I cannot cut the ropes.

So yes, take your green medicine. Give me those 8 ounces you promised 4 years ago.

Sit with me and feel empty again

Drink the acid from my stomach

So that tongue you've only used as a weapon

Shrivels up and dies with you. 

Two holes in that field, I don't want to share a grave, because I'm knee deep in corpses

Of people I used to know

Who left imprints on my soul

If I even have one 

Maybe when I die

It'll be nothing,

But nothing is something. 

And maybe that's why you get high,

To be nothing.