Never

I hope you never feel the way that I do, 

A feeling that’s all too familiar yet foreign to you. 

It’s so painful yet numbing that you can’t even put a name to it,

While anger bubbles barely being oppressed by the sadness you can’t keep away no matter how wasted you get.

The sunnier days are almost worse than the boiling anger hair-trigger temper ones,

It feels like a trap and I wait in the back of my own mind quietly waiting for the sun to be consumed by the dark clouds again because it always does. 

It goes between days and weeks of anguish,

 of exhaustion,

And the barely hopeful bursts of insane happiness and smiles and laughs at everything while not being able to fully enjoy it because I know it’ll get bad again.

It always does. 

I can never feel too good,

Never be so fully consumed by the strange happy and intense mood. 

It’ll never last,

Always feeling like the laughs are fleeting and gone in a flash. 

The anger sits and waits to be kicked like a pile of ash from the end of a burned out cigarette,

Making sure that when it finally scatters it has the most impact and causes the most regret. 

I hope it never gets to you,

I hope it never hurts to feel the way that you do.