Never Again, Maybe Once

Xanex to sleep

Caffeine to stay awake,

Trying to pretend I'm okay

That was my first mistake.

I pretended I missed a text 

or maybe a call,

Till I remembered you didn't catch me

When you told me to fall. 

My hands painted you daisies

And our future had a bow,

But you poisoned the soil

Where you said our garden would grow.

I held your face in my hands

Promised you my world and more,

Looks like you had a different idea

You shoved me out the door.

It was December and cold

New Years we kissed,

The red flag was that that was our last

It was something I missed.

Not a day later you left

Left me to cry, 

I don't mean to be dramatic

But you left my soul to die.

Not a tear in your soul

not a hole in your heart,

How do I explain my pain

Where would I even start?

One day i'd tell them of your smile

Of your hand in mine,

How we had a strong love

Apparently not the lasting kind.

I wouldn't mention the pain and fury

Nor the sadness and anger,

Unlike you, I thought of us better

You thought of us in danger.

Tell your sorrows to open ears

How life got hard and times have been better,

One day you'll hesitate to say my name

In the spring, the days will be wetter.

Summer will come and bring sun

You'll remember the days

How you and I spent the mornings

In bed together, wrapped in a haze.

Or maybe you won't

Maybe it's a lie,

Because all you seem to do is drink it away,

and let those memories die.