Never Forget

"There's a place I know if you're looking for a show. Where they go hardcore and there's glitter on the floor"

AMANDA!

That is when it all went black....

I don't think it became clear until crying strangers

kept hugging me, making my cuts and bruises burn with pain.

Silent tears ran down my cheeks, as my once

beating heart turned into a black hole.

Slowly bits and pieces of what happened return to my mind.

Eighteen wheels passing by us on the pavement

As we go flipping, flipping, flipping

Almost as if we are never gonna...

STOP!

The scattered debris.

Cars passing by with staring passengers.

I remember screaming at them for taking photos.

I remember the random girl picking out the glass from my back.

I remember Sophie going around checking on every single one of us,

even though her knee was torn up to the bone.

But most of all I remember you....

Laying in a pool of your own blood.

I can blame Amanda for not being careful enough

Or blame Sophie for yelling Amanda's name when she noticed the mistake

But honestly I blame no one, it was a true accident.

Sometimes I feel anger towards them for those things but never true blame.

The anger I have towards myself burns.

I survived....

I survived and you didn't.

And I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that.

After all the therapy, the pills, even the EMDR treatments

I still remained broken.

All this stuff was just to keep me numb.

It was my friends, my family, and my love

They are the ones that got my heart to beat again

Standing with me as I broke down

As I lost myself to my own misery.

They stayed and they held me on my feet.

They made the black hole shrink.

Bruises have disappeared, Cuts turned into scars.

Nightmares fading into dull shadows of my fear.

But my love for you has not been tainted.

My memories of before run strong.

My tears still pour.

I will never forget.

But I will....no I must heal.