Never The First

I'll never be the first choice For anyone really, It's ironic honestly, I'll always put others' needs before myself, So I guess I'll join the crew that hates me I'll never be the first choice When people ask why, I'll think back, To all the times my parents never noticed The silent cries for help When my friends ignored who I was Until I became the version of "myself" they wanted me to be, To the time where I had one person I was close to, Until they left So of course I'll say, What are you talking about? No one ever chose me, At first, it hurt, It hurt so bad, I'd hate myself, Because I had nothing better to do, I'd spend hours in my room, Wondering whether it was me In the end, I came to a conclusion, It was. After that, it didn't hurt as much, I knew that it was me, so I'd pull away, Before I could get hurt by anyone else, Or worse, hurt them So I imagine, I'll be quite lonely behind the mask of indifference, It will hurt, but no one will see When they look at me, Tell me that they can't sit with me anymore because they can't let their first choice down, I'll simply say okay, adding quietly, I'll be here if you need me.