new year no new me

Location

52240
United States
41° 36' 40.932" N, 91° 30' 5.4036" W

i think the hardest part is quit being mad at myself.
I hate what I am.
I want to change but i feel like i dont know where to start
and i feel as if i will just regress
and go back to how i am.
i hate myself for calling you
for letting you win.
i said the things i wanted to say
and you all you wanted to do was have sex.
I wanted you to want me.
not to bone me.
i wanted to want with me.
you just wanted to fuck me.
you didnt care what girl it was.
thats the point you dont care and that i do is care.
i care what you think and feel.
i just want you.
i miss the old you.
it was like we were strangers.
i had sex with a stranger that i have known for a over a year. i have never hated myself more than when i woke up next to you.

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