new year no new me

i think the hardest part is quit being mad at myself. I hate what I am. I want to change but i feel like i dont know where to start and i feel as if i will just regress and go back to how i am. i hate myself for calling you for letting you win. i said the things i wanted to say and you all you wanted to do was have sex. I wanted you to want me. not to bone me. i wanted to want with me. you just wanted to fuck me. you didnt care what girl it was. thats the point you dont care and that i do is care. i care what you think and feel. i just want you. i miss the old you. it was like we were strangers. i had sex with a stranger that i have known for a over a year. i have never hated myself more than when i woke up next to you.