Next Time I'll Say No

Fri, 07/12/2013 - 16:03 -- Alonyia

No is to yes

As silence is to aquiesce

I told you no

But yes ripped through my body like a thousand hammers bearing down on my will power

Your eyes insisted as my body resisted

And my defiant tears left streaks in this path of destruction you painted in a place I once had the audacity to call my sanctuary.

I guess we all have to grow out of innocence eventually

I just never thought that six would be the year I see the bloodstreaks hidden behind the rainbow

Every crayon scented pillow now reaks  of the flesh I was never supposed to understand at such a young age...

Young, is what they called me to be so grown have a mouth that could spout out every wrong word but very few knew that at times the only thing taboo enough to freeze on my tongue was...no...NO!...no...I dont wanna see it because seeing is believing and Im afraid that if I pay close attention then the scars will be real and no amount of stitches could stop me from opening up to a terror I was never equipped to recieve

So...Maybe next time I'll say no

The day after always loooks more promising

And sooothing present wounds with promises of tomorrow seem to distract me from the fact that what was stolen from my life was never yours to TAKE....but take it... I had to grow into this hand me down happy, I could never get my smile to spread wide enough that Id believe it,

So I drew it on with lipstick when I got old enough to learn how the world turns

And Id like to think that Im so much stronger that if presented with the opportunity...Next Time, I'll say no..Next time I WILL say No! But no truth lies in my efforts to deny that there will no next time.

My heart has decided what my mouth has yet to acknowledge

My foot has been down since I discovered that Black Girls have their right to sorrow 

So I stand here before you today to let you know that the No will never come because silence is no longer an option

You've had my life by it's tail

Dragging me down this path of destruction you painted in a place I once had the audacity to call my sanctuary!!

There is no more pity left in me to rewrite a history I took no part in, but Im takin back the pen to my future

And drawing lines you will never cross again..

used to tell myself that Next Time...I would say no

And every time my mouth refused to open I gave another chunk of my soul to you, colored my values with compromises and drew across my self esteem with permanent black marker

Well I say NO! No to the no's Ive promised myself over the last decades that left irreperable bruises in the hope that I've had for tomorrow NO to blank stares in crowded rooms or the dread that solitude brings NO to missed opportunities from a fear that was never mine to hold NO. NO. No! From now on, Im saying yes to me.

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