Nice...

You seem… nice

You can draw pretty

You’re smart… I guess

Well you are damn good in handling a bow and arrow

Group bonding. Got to love it.

When thrown into a new environment with a lot new characters you are ought to get to know people. Positive people, persuasive people, punctual people and of course preppy people. The ones who don’t know how to live life as an introvert, the ones who will always keep the group in a happy tone and love to get to know people.

Preferably by letting a group of strangers write complements about each other. Cause a compliment will save the day.

Yes, of course it’s great to hear that you are a nice person every once in a while. And hearing that someone is looking good is ought to boost the ego.

But let’s be real. Nobody knows what to write under the name of someone who’s face you can’t even pull out of the dark corners of your brain. Assuming you have seen and spoken to this person, that is.

The first week of high school this exercise was shoved in my face again, to help create a friendly environment in the class. So after getting my signed paper back, and finding ten people telling me that I seem like a nice person, I got quite upset. All the others had lines and lines about how amazing they were, how good they looked and how many friends they have. Don’t forget to throw in the occasional “I love you” and you have the beginning of a life-long friendship. Well, that’s what they taught at least.

Apparently a friendship which consists of going shopping and gossiping about the mysterious girl in the corner while having class won’t cut the deal when you accidently befriend ones enemy. Never forget the vengeance of school girls, it might get your hair cut or your clothes stolen while showering in the gyms changing rooms. And never forget about the amazing power of ruining the most precious possession of a Dutch person. Yes you heard me well; I am talking about the bike.

No matter how many times you try to smile at the fake girls, you are ought to walk the two hour way back home when you publically shame them by bumping into them with a nice mock of warm chocolate. And the rubber of your tires will not thank you for the heroic act of saving a person from getting smashed into the lockers by the big bad wolves of the football team.

So when I got back my compliment filled paper, I might have been a bit sad at first. But that was not for long. I ended up with realization. They didn’t know me. They knew the others. They knew the mainstream, but did they know about the world outside of the path pre-made for them?

Did they know that by taking a left instead of a right, that they could end up with sand between their toes while breathing in the fresh, salty air?

That life is for building your own dreams, for walking unfounded territory and for coming across the paths of others outside of the road? For helping someone tile the ground they have created with hard work, for helping them build a house. For letting others to help furnish your mind with memories.

Every once in a while I’m asked the question: “How long have you and your boyfriend been together?”. My answer is usually something along the lines of “You tell me, since you are more informed about my boyfriend then I am… What’s his name?”
 

If the cards of the group bonding would be honest, they would tell me that I come over as mysterious. Mysterious for the way I can talk hours and hours about myself and my experiences, without letting you see what’s deep inside. The way I can stand in a crowd and everyone will see me, but no one will remember me. I am like a dream. The moment you see me I take up your entire world, but once you wake up you won’t remember me.

I am like a shadow, that might even be my super power. Seeing as shadow people can do things that make real impressions. When I was drowning in depression and biking up a bridge, someone told me: “You can do this kiddo, you will make it”. I wouldn’t be able to recognize the man if he would be standing right in front of me. But I will never, ever forget about his message to me. He was a super hero, a life savior to say.

So the next time I’m thrown into a group bonding exercise, I would love to see the words: kind, mysterious and creative. I want people to see me as a mystery because being a mystery makes the best and intensive relationships. People feel like it’s a reward to get to know you and they feel like they are trusted when you open up to them. I am not saying that I am a glitter spectacle that you need to have in your life. But I do think that you need to receive trust, love and respect from people by earning it.

So if one day my knight in shining armor shows up and tells me that I am a mystery worth discovering, I might even marry him.