1. The Yule has come and so have I,
Poised at your doorstep, benumbed with cold,
Open up and you will see;
That I bear no white beard and I won't howl a ho ho ho,
But I just had my teeth flossed, so my smile will be beautiful.
You should see it for yourself.

2. Nicholas sent me, he is unwell and has taken to his bed.
I made a broth and a fire to keep him warm till I return,
Now you must open the door and see;
That I don't have a stocking cap on,
But I promise you, my hair is silky and beautiful,
Alas! You can't see through my crown of snow, so you'll never know.

3. I didn't trudge all the way from the North Pole dragging a bagful of presents,
I took a flight out.
Please open up and see;
That I'm not wearing Nick's frumpy suit,
But my green catsuit is lovely,
It sets off my hour-glass figure perfectly.

4. I have brought a whip with me,
But you don't have to fret, it's for the imps and brats.
Open the door and see;
That I ditched the Wellingtons for Louboutin stilettos,
Even though they're really killing me.
I guess it's the price I have to pay for being so gorgeous.

5. I will give out high-fives and warm hugs,
When I run out of presents.
Won't you open up and see what beautiful gifts I have for you?
Though I bought them at the flea market down the street,
Things are a lot cheaper there,
And it pays to be frugal.

6. Now you must really open the door,
I have to hurry and get back home before dusk,
My baby needs to suckle,
And I need to stoke the fire and make more soup for Nicholas,
Most of all, I need to get out of the cold,
Or I'll end up worse than Nicky.