The night owl

To me there is no difference between too goddamn late and far too fucking early

To me, they are one and the same

They are a time of staring at blank computer screens or reading a book

Just doing anything to mask the sadness

Distraction

I need distraction

Because when I can no longer forget

Those goddamn awful hours turn to tears

To silent sobs

To me trying not to wake everyone up

To me wishing I had someone to call

Hating myself

Hating myself

Hating myself

The dehydration always follows

And very rarely

When I either love myself enough to not be so sad

Or when I just don't want to take responsibility anymore

I get angry

Very very angry

Because how could anyone be this sad

I shouldn't be this sad

I shouldn't even know this pain

No one should

And it's not even my fucking fault

If only I had a different mother

If only I had a mom at all

If only

If only

If only

But I don't

So I still hate too goddamn late and far too fucking early

I don't think I'll ever shut my eyes

I'll never shut my mind