Night Thoughts on Turning 85

Night Thoughts on Turning 85

I don’t fear death for we know nothing of death 

And how can we fear what we do not know

Dying is another thing. I fear that.

To die a peaceful death free of pain is what I wish

To be with those I love and who love me. 

The heavens promised by religions offer me little comfort. 

They are comforting myths

I look to science such as we know it

I look to our knowledge of the universe in which I am a particle of energy made into Man

I exist for a moment in time.

And when that time is over do I cease to exist

Or does the field of energy that is me return to the Universe that was here before and will be here after. 

Being a physician taught me about that energy. 

And I have measured it. 

In the the EEG EKG GSR EMG

The ACTION POTENTIAL OF NERVES

I have not seen god. 

You can call that energy the godhead if you wish 

Something created the Universe 

My energy lives on when I die. 

Those electrical impulses

Those atoms electrons neutrons neutrinos

And god knows what else continue to exist

Somewhere in the Universe. 

Am I the atom that is part of a beautiful nebulae 

Do I contribute an electron to the sunset

To the Aurora

To a flower 

Am I in the hair of a deer running across a field

Part of the color in the speckled trout

Am I one of many atoms in a smell 

If I am

You will smell me in the flower 

See me in the sunset

And who knows where else 

All by happenstance  because our science hasn’t gone that far. 

But if you sense me

If my electron bumps into one of yours

An infinitesimal chance 

That may create an awareness

Or a memory that relies on energy to form.

If you remember me then

And I hope you do 

I live on 

And I will remember You