Nightmares

Location

02122
United States
42° 17' 48.174" N, 71° 3' 9.8928" W

I had a nightmare last night.
I stood in the middle of an empty road,
In an empty town,
Just waiting.
For what I don't know.
But there I stood.
In the silent,
The nothingness,
The stillness of the town.
Then the colors faded into greys,
So beautiful.
Until the people of that empty town,
Reversed their ways back into my vision.
And stared as I did. 
At what?

I don't know.

It looked like they were looking at me,
But the eyes shot through me like bullets to glass.

I was nothing to them.
Maybe that was true,
Or they saw me, 
And treated me like what I am,
A wasted space.
Just like this town.
I started to scream and cry,
Just as the scene change. 
I was tied down to a silver table,
In a room that I didn't remember,
But the presence I knew too well.
It was him.
It had to be.
His Height,
His Voice,
Both cloned to perfection.
Not a mistake noticeable.
And as he slowly stepped out of the darkness of my mind.
It was him.
Standing over me,
Holding some instrument that looked like it's intention was hurt me.
I struggled and struggled,
But the ties weren't breaking,
And he punctured my skin.
Making a straight line down the center of my chest,
Ripping my flesh apart.
So painful.
But I didn't scream.
He reached in and rips out my heart. 
Holds it with a level of delicacy,
And just examine the bruises and cuts that tattooed it.
It still beats in his hand.
Not too fast,
Nor too slow,
It just,
Beats.
He looks at me,
Seducing me the way that made me fall for him.
He begs me,
"How could you?
How could you just leave me in the dark?
Forget that I exists?"
I yelled back,
"How do you think I feel!?!
How do you like feeling you're worthless? 
That you're nothing?
How does it feel?
Because what you feel right now,
Is nothing compared to what you've put me through!
Everyday I feel what you feel,
And I still have to mask that pain so I don't burden nobody else,
Which makes me feel worst!
How dare me?
How dare you?
How dare you play my own guilt and self-doubt against me? 
You already dragged my emotions through the dirt.
Suffocated my pride with the disguise of self-harm.
You can't hurt me anymore.
You can't.
You can't.
You can't."
Then I let everything out. 
All of my pent up anger.
My sadness.
As the walls that I've spent years building crumble. 
He disappeared. 
Back into the blackness of my imagination,
Letting me cry,
Alone in my bed.
Feeling the warmth of the sun caress my skin like he once did.
Making me cry harder.
And harder.

This poem is about: 
Me

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