Nine Lives

If I had 9 lives I'd spend the first one drowning. Feel the water seep into my lungs, struggling to catch my breath. Maybe when I would become unconscious I'd find peace in the sea, and overcome my fear of open water. In the next 8 lives I would live by the seaside with no fear of the sea. For the next 2 lives I would spend one with each of my parents. And listen to their own advice, trying to shape myself into who they couldn't become. Shape myself into their wishes and dreams from when they were young Maybe in those lives, it wouldn't be fucked up. In the 4th life I would stay a child. Before everything came crumbling down, because staying a child means staying innocent and innocence now is something everyone wishes for. I would run around with my diaper hanging low while my parents chased me. For the 5th life I would waste it. Live life freely, and not give a single shit. Party till 3am ruin my lungs with cigarettes and vapes, ruin my liver with alcohol ruin my body with scars and just ruin myself. For the adrenaline. In the 6th one, I would live my own dreams. Go down a successful path as an athlete. Run or play for my country, and have young children look up to me. Inspiring others to never give up. Make my family proud and not disappointed. Maybe in another life I would live bravely. Doing things I'd never dare to, not worry about the next day or the day before. Not worry about what others think. Just living in the moment. In the 8th life I would learn how to forgive. Even when apologies weren't the right thing. Forgive the people whose words felt like knives digging deeper into my flesh. Maybe forgiveness will feel like breathing after holding my lungs tight for years. And in the final life. I would let myself breathe and go where the wind took me. Not drowning, not shaping myself, not ruining myself. Just living. Because after eight lives of learning how to survive, the last should be spent spontaneously. But yet, I only have one life. And only 1 way to live it. So which will it be?