No Ability to Live Without

The quickness of a sudden breath was all it took.

You were gone.

Picking up the fallen pieces

Of me

Of family

Of the essentialness of my being

I sewed them back slowly

But with the idea that you were somewhere

Good

I couldn’t and can’t

Read the stories

Of the horror of your act

Sprawling you into the deepest

Depths

Of Hell

As a Bleeding Tree

In Pain

Undeserving of happiness

Eternally.

Because while I’ve been

Meandering about

My life

Finding ways to smile and laugh

I’m still broken.

And that sharp blow

Of even thinking you are

In Inferno

Cracks me more

You were good to me

And showed me

Much more beyond

Blood makes family.

Because it doesn’t.  

And it shouldn’t.

And that breath I took when I saw

Your life end

Shook me down to my core

And will forever be engrained in

My Heart and Soul

Why should I have to break

Because you wanted

Freedom

From temporary living?

So you better be

Watching over me

Keeping me safe

Keeping our family safe

And you can only do that

From a spiritually happy place

In paradise

And not in

The Seventh Circle

I cannot go on

Believing you are

Completely gone

Suffering

For something

We don’t think

You knew

You were doing.