I was no longer a child when I realized my greatest fear was not that of the dark, but of being so vulnerable and helplessly in love that I would not be able to stop my heart from being broken.
That the wall I’d built up could be torn down just by simply feeling.
I was no longer a child when I realized it was possible to miss someone while standing next to them.
When I realized it was possible to feel totally and utterly alone in a room full of people.
When I realized hearts weren’t indestructible and that feelings were weapons.
Weapons of war, which could penetrate the thickest barricades.
I was no longer a child when I first fell in love.
When I fell in love with that boy.
With that thing.
I was no longer a child when I realized, although it was possible to despise yourself more than anyone else ever could, it was also possible to love more than anyone else ever could.
I was no longer a child when I realized that the world was still turning and I was still breathing even though I felt completely helpless and alone as if I were dying, as if the world were ending.
I was no longer a child when I truly understood how to feel.
How to really feel.
How to untangle all the emotions swirling around inside my mind like a tornado.
When I became me.
When I found me.
When I loved me.
I am no longer a child.