Periodically I find myself coming to the realization I’m an adult, and it’s daunting.

I want to set an example. I’d like to be the embodiment of the ideal you can pursue a passion while simultaneously finding success, but the path towards validation seems so long and unforgiving.

I’m immersed in a profession I love, but I admit the future seems so foggy even as I work with myself vigorously to attain a semblance of financial stability intertwined with the enjoyment of making films, videos, and photography.

I have an amazing support system, wonderful parents, loving Grandparents, and two great siblings. They’ve supported me throughout my endeavors so it’s hard to express the fact I need to make a life for myself through my own means.

It’s just hard to grasp no one looks at me and automatically assumes that’s a kid. There are no more excuses to be made because of my age.

I believe this is the reason I am so reluctant to take compliments. I cringe when individuals compliment me on my work.

I always receive the same gestures of confidence.

“You’re going to make it.”
“You’ll be successful real soon.”
“When you hit it big, don’t forget about the people that helped you.” ”When you reach the top…”

It feels like a burden. This underlying expectation if anyone will find unparalleled success, it will be you. It’s the invisible weight. The nagging dilemma. Expectations you cannot hardily promise will be the inevitable outcome of your future.

I work diligently, but does that mean the people before me who didn’t reach pinnacle of their goals didn’t work hard enough? Does my work ethic, talent, drive automatically ensure stability and success.
It doesn’t. It really doesn’t, and this keeps me up at night worried about the future.
I’m never going to stop working, but I have no excuse. I’m a grown man. One of the millions of faces faithfully hoping to achieve The American Dream.
The idea I couldn’t be successful, even if I hold steadfast into the fading days of my life just…scares me.