No name

please stop saying these things your playing with me but I dont want to play anymore it's mean in the worst of ways cause on the worst of days I sit here you make me want to cry cause I cant try to do anything I have no will to fix my future but it's not like I can do this anyway. You dont understand what you mean to me and you make these jokes and it kills me cause I'm going to kill me so it hurts worse your eyes were always my favorite, and then your words holding so much meaning and support but now they seem like a lazy insult, or pity which makes me consult my inner demons again after trying to cut ties I stopped my lies and crime, and by the time I stopped messing up it was too late to fix us and I'm sorry but you need to apologize too because you do these things that you know make me feel this aching fuzzy feeling and you say these things that shake my breathing and start to make me tremble the pain I feel for you makes me do stupid things that I never want to do, I only want to feel wanted and be held. I don't want people seeing my body or insulting me but I do it because I feel I deserve a punishment for feeling this way. for four years I've avoided tears and you've made me come so close to breaking down that I roll around in my bed all night hating myself and you all I want to do is stay up and talk to you about these thoughts and hear you are sorry and feel the same I want to tell you about my issues and my Joy's cause it's like we dont know eachother anymore, isnt that sick? weve known eachother since 10, been close for 4 years, and yet we dont know hardly anything about the other person it's disgusting loving you is worse