no sleep

its 1245 am do you know where my sleep is

because ive tried searching for it everywhere but to no avail

i keep checking the time to see when ill drift off

while the world around me is asleep im still trying to follow their lead.

my digital alarm clock has become my nemesis

constantly taunting me with its technicolor lcd insults

yes i know it’s late you don’t need to remind me

thats not how this relationship is supposed to work

still trying to remember the last time i got more than 4 hours rest

still trying to lull myself to sleep with the sound of my ragged breath

trying to quiet down the demon parade marching through my mind

because i cant get repose without a little peace and quiet

its 215 am do you know where my joy is

i think its faded away along with my confidence

i no longer seem to care about what happens during the day

yet i still hope that ill fall asleep for more than an hour during the night

my body wants to rest but my brain wont let it

im finally getting used to the solitude in the early dawn

mulling over everything that I couldve done better yesterday

if im lucky ill remember tonight

as something other than staring at that stupid plaster ceiling

my room doubles as a prison after dusk

because i feel caged in in the dead of night

i sometimes look out of my 9th story apartment window and i wonder

if my escape the best sleep ill get is a hop skip and a jump away

it’s 345 am do you know where my mind is

it ran away the other night and i don’t think its coming back anymore

its official my dreams are crushed

oh wait i forgot i havent had any in a while

it’s gotten to the point where i find myself singing the alphabet into my hands

because i still think that maybe ill be able to catch a z or two

sheep do nothing

lukewarm milk does nothing

my pills do nothing

i wonder if i should take another one

take a few more to get the same effect

maybe take the whole bottle to get the good sleep that ive been wanting for so long

i always know theres a numbing cold before the morning warmth because i feel it every day

the sweet sound of the silence before the birds sing somehow soothes my brain

into thinking that tomorrow will be a better night

but i know that its just another lie i tell myself

its 515 am

do you know where my life is