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My heart has become a prism of "have you tried/s" Other people's useless helps of: "Have you tried not being sad? " "Have you tried being more like me?" " Have you tried shutting up?" Yes I've tried, yes I am still trying and yes I am not giving up. Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth of these monsters does not mean they aren’t ripping through me. Pain does not need to be seen to be felt. But pain's like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface. And believe me, I couldn't trust me own emotions. I couldn't control but I could justify my emotional distortions. I found myself looking at every single side of an issue unable to come to any conclusions for fear they might be tainted. Among my stillness was a pounding heart. Had it not been for what I felt for you, it would have been that I would have given up, left the strike and rested in more pain. And someone like me has been persistent when it comes to heartbreak and trying come up with solutions to intolerable sensations, because I do to much. It's real. You can't change it by wishing it away. If it's dark and rainy, it really is dark and rainy, and you can't alter it. It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row. BUT it will be sunny one day. It isn't under one's control when the sun comes out, but come out it will. One day.