#nofilter

For a long time, I hid in silence.

Hoodies and oversized sweaters

Comforted me.

Self esteem? Nonexistent

I didn’t know who I was

Or

Who I wanted to be

I thought appearance was everything, then.

Through my brown eyes

I saw disappointment, disgrace, a disgusting creature

When confronted by the reflector.

No smile crossed my face,

I didn’t dare reveal

My impaired pearls.

     Rejecting bread

And

Any other edibles

Was my solution.

Colored contacts,

Altered my dark eyes.

Braces,

Transformed my smile.

Cosmetics

Intrigued me with what they could do.

Best friends at the time

Yet they only made the gashes deeper.

It all changed me

That ugly duckling was long gone.

Self esteem was finally born

At the peak, I thought

Little did I know

I had just hit rock bottom

My appearance changed

But that didn’t mean the wounds had healed

I didn’t change.

I had only put a mask on

To cover my imperfections.

Those sweaters got replaced

By material things.

After

The suitors, I thought I knew, vanished

The allies, I thought I trusted, betrayed   me

The faith, I thought I had, deserted me

I knew right then and there

That I had only set myself up.

I finally understood that,

The opinion I have of myself

Can affect me more

Then those of others.

I finally understood that,

I didn’t need to be skinny,

I didn’t need contacts,

Braces or makeup

To be who I wanted.

I needed love,

Self-love

Self healing

Before anything else.

It took a good minute

To get myself situated.

I finally took the time,

To let the wounds heal

To forgive.

I found myself

And now

The only person I want to be

And will be,

Is me.

I refuse to hid in silence

I refuse not to be good enough

I know who I am

I am strong

I know how to fight for what/whom I love

I am courageous,

I was never one to follow the crowd

I am intelligent

I know I can succeed

I am independent

I refuse to let someone have control of my life

I am caring

I tore down those brick walls

I am humble

Because I’ve seen what my mother has done for me

I am so much more that meets the eye,

But aren’t we all.

I have found my truth

I know my worth