The Nonexistent Apology

I was filled with resentment and overflowing with blame

It was dark and it was deep and I was comfortable that way

Every problem would be solved once I got to escape

I just had to wait a year.

But that year was made up of more than just waiting

There was growth and acceptance and some realization

Self-doubt and self-blame got me nowhere-- but patience

That, and some practice, is really what changed me

And suddenly I see that

I’m no longer angry.

Angry at him for putting me down

Angry at her for never being around

At the words that they used, or their echoing sounds

In my head, on a loop, with no way out

I was so confused why they chose to disappoint me

When I thought: to fix it would’ve been so easy

But they are not me, and I am not them

And sometimes in relationships nobody wins

And sometimes loving someone isn’t enough

And sometimes you have to be the one to pick yourself up

Even when someone else promised they would

They can’t, and you have to accept it

They told themselves they were doing it right

It was the only way they could get through the night

And I accepted a nonexistent apology

Because it was the only way to outgrow them.