Nonexistent Memories

Only a few memories of you because you were barely there

Barely seeing you around spending nine years consecutively of my life on lock down

Only a few memories of you because you rarely showed you face

Rarely hearing your voice was your choice when you left

Left us inescapable of you mistakes, incapable of knowing how to be loved by a man

Only a few memories of you because you were in and out of jail

Jail was of how I spend my life too…my mind was my cell

Cell I couldn’t break free of mentally bound enough pain to go around

Only a few memories of you and fewer that doesn’t cause pain

Pain stained tears drops scourge my face trying to find the door of love to escape this place

Can’t face to see the one you didn’t care enough walking the streets thinking his tough

Only a few memories of you because you can’t face reality

In reality can’t call you daddy I call you him who had and left four kids my motha

Him who had and left two kids by 2 othas

Only a few memories of you but you still taught me

Taught how to express my pain in rage in the game of excuses I took center stage

Excuses was all you had for not being there leaving me and my five siblings to fend for ourselves

Only a few memories of you but I won’t dare be like you

Finding my half sister searching for my brother was my love and I was the glue

Glue to fix the broken hearts you trampled in your life

The life you freely gave away leaving us with bitterness and strife

Only a few memories of you because you were a theft

Theft of my childhood, how a father could leave his family I never understood

Only a few memories of you but I guess it’s for the best

Having you around would of caused a bigger mess

So I’m grateful for the nonexistent memories of my dad

I made it without you and I’m glad missing out on my life only you should be sad

Left with all these nonexistent memories….. I still wish I had