Nostalgic for Religion

And I wish I was naive enough to believe there is a god, watching us from the sky moving us around like chess peices, putting thoughts in our head, making things happen with the snap of his fingers. Maybe then I'd feel safe, less afraid since I'd know someone is looking out for me from above. Maybe I'd be calm during this, knowing only a cruel god would let him get away with this. Maybe I'd make my peace with death, knowing they're all waiting for my arrival, arms outstretched, watching me grow old. I so desperately wish that the part of me that knows god is just a fantasy, a coping mechanism for those afraid of the unknown, would just disappear, so I too could cling to some form of hope. But I know I am not safe, I should be afraid. The only one watching over me 24/7 is myself. He will get away with it, never getting what he deserves. Once someone takes their last breath, they disappear into the atmosphere forever, never to exist anywhere other than my mind ever again. and if somehow I am wrong, then he is no god, he is a monster in the purest form. What kind of being would let this happen, when they have the power to stop it? Who would allow us to hurt this way, to turn a blind eye to the suffering? Why would a kind god allow an innocent child to have her life overrun by the fear of a man she once trusted? tell me why do so many worship This creature of hatred and hurt, Without once questioning if he exists, Or if he even cares at all?