Not Beautiful

I stare into the mirror and see dark, murderous eyebrows. Seriously my eyebrows look like Norman Bates in the last 20 minutes of Psycho

My eyes are the color of mud on the shoes of a boy running through the woods with tears in his eyes because the other kids can be so damn cruel

My lips can vanish like a tantalizing stage magician when I smile sincerely

My voice sounds deep and powerful in my head but like a creaking croaking cabinet door out loud

My neck is so long swans sadden at its sight

My chest is a constellation of acne and what my mother lovely refers to as beauty marks

But I am not beautiful

Not beautiful

Not beautiful

Not beautiful

For my chest is concave like it’s trying to retreat and crush my heart while it still beats

My abdomen not hard like rocks in a rugged ridgeline

My nose dotted with black spots like a poppy seed bagel

Even my name, Andres, reminds you of a fault

No, I am not beautiful

Not beautiful

Not beautiful

But I don’t give a damn

While my chest is a cave, my mind is a labyrinth of underground tunnels

While my abdomen is soft, my determination is chainmail

While my skin is discolored, my creativity is a rainbow after one hell of a hurricane

And while the tears from those kids words stung my eyes, they also stung the paper as I write prophetic poetic prose

While my eyebrows are murderous, my forehead means you no harm

While my lips can vanish when I smile, I never will if I truly love you

Because while I am not beautiful, I can be brave, boisterous, bold, bookish, and blissful

Because I can withstand hatred from those who don’t understand why I love other men

I can withstand my own father silencing me when I tried to tell him

I can withstand the voice in my head who told me not to go on withstanding

Because I am not beautiful, nothing battle-worn ever is