I wasn’t made to beautiful

I’m not some flower to be admired

A perfume for you to smell

I don’t have a stem for you to pick.

I wish I could warn you

Cover myself in thorns

But then my petals would wilt into nothing

My smile curling in on itself

I’m just a book

I may have a pretty cover

Lined in gold and gilded fonts

But my words aren’t just fluff

Read my pages

Read them!

Don’t just skim

I’m not your favorite film

That you can put on repeat over and over

Watch a clip again and again just to feel pleasure

Read and you’ll find adventure

But not in a bedroom

Or the seat of a car

You’ll find it in crazy poetry

And scribbled art

Happy smiles

And twirling dances

You’ll find the story of a girl

Both happy and sad

Confident and shy

Who can’t be defined

Because there is no one like her in the entire world

 

But, you won’t read, they never read, they only skim

Every pair of eyes never looked at mine, their gaze looking lower

Afraid I’d notice them staring

I didn’t until it was too late

I stepped into your world, it was a mistake

But, I have no way back

No currency to purchase a ticket back to innocence

This world scares me

Barley grappling onto the girl I was

The girl who didn’t know

What a kiss felt like

Who loved everyone and didn’t care who loved her

Who could feel beautiful and not feel disgusted by the word

 

You ruined that

You led her in blindly and asked her to stay

While you poured cement over her feet,

To make sure she never could escape

How could she be so foolish to follow a devil disguised as an angel

 

I don’t want to be beautiful

I don’t try

I live everyday not wondering if I look good

I don’t care

As long as I’m covered I’ll be okay

Maybe that’s the reason why they stare

They see a mystery and wonder what’s underneath the fabric

That a smile means an invitation

A kind word means yes

That letting them touch means desire

Why can’t they see, I don’t fit the instruction manual

The stereotypes set before men to study did not include me in the index

A kind word means I want to be a kind person

A smile means to be polite

A touch means no desire for conflict

A long skirt means, I respect myself so please respect me too

 

But, I know that they’ll never read

They’ll only ever skim

I just hope that my soul finds its other half

Before what’s left of mine is written on by soiled hands

And then burned away in the fleeting wings of self-worth