Not Because You Love Me

The days are slow and the calls come fast

“Where are you?”

“Who is there?”

“Why did you wear that top”

Questions go back and forth in little blue boxes

Boxes that are somehow supposed to show someone miles away what I feel

These little blue boxes make or break us

We sometimes spend hours making sure a sentence sounds true

Do I say “yes” or “yea”

“Yes”

But what if he thinks I’m being too serious?

What if I am serious?

Do I want him to know that?

Now questions go back and forth in our heads.

These are questions we don’t want anyone to hear because they make us look crazy.

Well maybe I am crazy.

For loving you.

For giving my time to someone who speculates when I wear a shirt that shows some cleavage

For giving my time to someone who whips me around when I try to walk away

For giving my time to someone who says I can’t love Jesus because I’m not even capable of love

My time is more valuable than this

You say these things that destroy me

You say these things that make me feel wrong

And you say it’s because you love me

But that doesn't make sense

If you loved me I wouldn’t be going to sleep in tears

With black streaks running fast down my face like they have somewhere to be

Love is not when someone consumes your mind every second of the day

Love is when someone consumes your thoughts and all you can think about is how to make their day better

Love is when you’re a better person because of them

And I know your dad never gave you an example of real love

And I know that’s not your fault

But look around

It’s everywhere

In the music we listened to, in the movies I forced you to watch

In the world today you have to put in effort to not understand what love should look like.

And I know this may not be your fault, but don’t you dare say it’s because you love me.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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