Not Fair

It’s not fair. 

It’s not fair that you get to sleep peacefully at night 

while I’m begging your ghosts to leave me alone. 

It’s not fair that you get to walk the streets at ease 

while I’m watching every cloaked man with fear.

It’s not fair that you get to smile when you mention 

your first time while my story entails tears and panic.

It’s not fair that you can laugh and yell to no end 

while my voice is hoarse from screaming no.

It’s not fair that your lungs breathe perfectly 

while mine throb from being suffocated.

It’s not fair that you can take one shower and feel clean 

while I take one hundred and still feel disgusting. 

It’s not fair that you can smirk at the mention of my name 

while the whisper of yours brings flashbacks and guilt. 

It’s not fair that you’re playing video games with friends on your bed

while I’m sitting in bed writing this to stop the voices in my head.