Not Made

I was not made for love.

I was not made for these 2 am sleepless nights.

I was not made for the empty bottles of vodka shattered against my wall.

I was not made for these nights trying to drown myself in my own tears.

I was not made for you to make a game out of breaking down my walls that protected my heart.

I was not made to believe that the only thing you are guaranteed in life is disappointment.

I was not made to be ditching class only to find myself on my knees in the library searching for a text that teaches me how to forget you.

I was not made to have a heart that is too big for my body.

I was not made to have two leaky faucets where my eyes should be.

I was not made to hear you justify the way you broke me as though it were an accomplishment you got to brag about to your friends.

I was not made to be fooled by you as you clothed yourself in human skin when in reality you were nothing but a monster underneath the surface.

I was not made to escape to my dream of you only to wake up tangled in my off white bed sheets alone.

I was not made to be diagnosed with this feeling of hate for myself because you convinced me you were my doctor.

I was not made to be shackled to my bed by your memory. 

I was not made to physically feel my heart break at age sixteen. 

I was not made to have my happiness turn black and blue every time I sneak a glance of freedom without your permission.

I was not made to beg my principal to give me detention so I can avoid going to class with you.

I was not made to be sitting here silently crying letting you slice my dignity with every glance you steal.

I was not made to be an object just to satisfy your goddamn ego.

I was not made to constantly hold the thought in my mind that I was not enough, forcing you to fulfill your cravings elsewhere.

I was not made to have to defend my use of the word ‘no’. 

Maybe it wasn’t that I was not made for love, maybe I was just not made for you.

Because

I was made to be respected.

I was made to be trusted.

I was made to be cherished.

I was made to be heard.

I was made to be adored.

I was made to be admired.

And most importantly, I was made to be loved.