Not Normal

Left alone to night Wondering what I did You don't speak to me anymore I whisper reassurance to myself Maybe it's just a challenge Knowing full well you're done You got what you wanted I wasn't good enough for you My eyes water I tell myself it's because the moon Is so bright Tonight I've gained weight That's probably why Your hands touched my sides And you felt The fat leaking from my skin Infecting you. I cut my hair. Maybe that was why. But I did it to impress you. My jokes are dry Tasteless They drop like stones They don't create color or The music of laughter. Could that be why? Is that the reason you no longer Hug me as I pass by Touch my shoulder Make silly faces in my direction. Could it be, I didn't let you have enough of me? Just portions In tiny doses But never my heart Or my head. Just because you we're second best It doesn't mean I didn't love you Unconditionally That I didn't Think of you 59 seconds out of every minute How can I make myself appeal to you? A second chance? I'll do it right I'm sorry my mind Has yet to function Like a person But rather I am a robot Playing the parts I'm told to play. By society When really It doesn't come naturally To be like you to be normal.