Not a poem

I feel a puppet with many masters

I want to be free, to feel something real

To be wanted and desired

Loved for more than the physical

To be deeply and madly in love

To be held when I’m cold, comforted when I'm crying

Why does it have to hurt so bad

Like a never ending gut wrenching pain

That I can’t discuss, just stops me in my tracks

No matter how far I’ve come from it

No matter how “good” I’ve gotten

I’m still failing life

I wish I could just vanish or at least the pain could

I wish I could feel love as deeply as I feel this pain

I wish I could be showered with kisses the same way

I shower my pillows with tears

I wish he cared as much as me

I wish he gave a damn I wish I didn’t

I wish he wasn’t such a good bad guy

I hope this is the last time

Since the first time I laid my eyes on you

you’ve crossed my mind everyday

Everyday yearning for your attention

Your love, Your everythingship

Why couldn’t you be that

Why did you have to hurt me so much

Why do I care so much

I have to stop I have to just end it

Physically it’s over, but mentally you’re still here

I still see you feel you, smell you, taste you

Want you 
 

Wanted you* goodbye

To all the boys who never loved me.