Not ready for love

I want to love you with all my heart,

But I can’t.

I want to give you everything,

But I can’t.

I want to care for you,

And take away your pain,

But I can’t.

If only we had met in a different time,

In a different place.

If only I had a better mind,

A stronger will,

An intact heart,

Then I could love you

And give you the parts of me

That really matter.

I love you.

I love your kindness,

Your wisdom,

Your inner and outer strength,

Your compassion,

Your humor,

Your absolute silliness,

Your beautiful smile,

Your intellect,

Your soft curls,

Your gentleness,

Your inner beauty

That you don’t even know you have.

I love you so much it hurts.

I feel it in my bones

In my heart and in my soul.

I think it when I see you.

I say it when I think of you.

I whisper it at night,

When tears pour down my face,

And I remember the good times;

How you looked at me,

How you said my name,

How you held me,

How you smiled

And said I was beautiful.

My heart hurts.

My eyes sting.

I want to scream in agony,

But all that comes out is your name.

I love you,

But I can’t be with you.

My heart isn’t ready,

My mind isn’t healed,

My body isn’t prepared

To be with you.

I love you,

But I know this is hurting you,

And that hurts me more than anything else

Ever could

Or ever has.

I love you,

And maybe in the future,

When my mind is whole,

And my heart is healed,

Then I can give you my everything

And we can be together,

And I can shout my love for you from the rooftops,

And we can be happy,

You and I.