Not That Simple

People say to 

'Forgive and Forget'

but it's not that simple.

 

And I know it's not my job to take care of you.

I know it's not my job to make excuses for you.

But it's not that simple.

 

Yet, I still

I still want to believe that

you didn't want to leave me.

 

The fact is,

you left me.

You left, but I'm still here.

 

Maybe you didn't want to,

but it happened.

I don't blame you.

 

Because I want to believe

that you loved me.

That you still love me.

 

Because as much

as I hate you,

I still love you.

 

I don't think

I'll ever be able

to let you go.

 

But I can't keep

letting your memory

live off my self-hate.

 

It took me four years -

four long years -

to move forward.

 

Years full of hate

and therapy

and pain.

 

I'll never move on.

But I can move forward.

I will move forward.

 

Maybe I should have been more kind.

Maybe I should have stood up for myself.

Maybe I should have done more...

 

I'm sure that things 

will never go back

to how they were before.

 

I know I can forgive you

but I wonder...

can I forgive myself?

 

People say to 

'Forgive and Forget'

but it's not that simple.