Not Thinking Talking

The words coming from screen hurt

It’s like a punch in the gut

I’m holding back and they know

I knew her words of advice were wrong but I listened

And then I thought

And I talked

I knew these texts popping up on my screen were wrong

I knew I was wrong but so was he

We all were

I knew had I to say something but I didn’t

I said to myself that everything was gonna be fine

But it wasn’t

I knew the words were wrong but right  

Rage was the only thing I felt

Then nothing

I couldn’t do anything

And then I did

Thinking  

Talking

I knew what I was saying wrong

But I continued

The words coming out of my mouth were unacceptable

Thinking

Talking

Questioning my actions

Trying to figure out how to defend them

He started it

He said it first

I know it was wrong

It won’t happen again

I’m sorry

Thinking

Talking

The problems we caused were unfixable

The hatred was unmendable

This was unforgettable

None of us were thinking of the consequences

But we kept going

Thinking

Talking

Why did I say that

Why did he say that

Why is this happening

Why does he hate me so much

Why, why, why

I usually would just cry but I couldn’t

This wasn’t a wet kind of anger

The anger where you cry and your voice cracks

It’s a dry anger when your face and voice are sharp and stern

I was tired

I was done

At this point I wasn’t thinking just talking

My words poured out like a pitcher of anger

I knew where all this came from

But I didn’t realize that I had bottled all this up

Not thinking

Just talking

People talk about gun control and laws

But words are weapons too

Sometimes words hurt just as bad as guns

Maybe even worse

Then it was over

But then again it wasn’t

The hatred would last

The consequences would come

The scars would stay

Scars that would never fade