Not today

I don’t want to die today

Not today

Today I woke up on time 

to make it to class

Today I baked a cake

Licked the icing off my finger tips

Today my books came in the mail

And I didn’t want to die today

Maybe it’s because the sun came out

Or maybe it was because of 

the rain in the morning

But whatever the reason,

I don’t want to die today.

For those who understand

I am sorry

For those that don’t 

I fear someday you will

But cherish it now

Cherish the fact that you do not know,

That a sorrow so tangible is foreign to you

That a grief so deep hasn’t swallowed you

Embrace those that you love in case they are taken from you 

But remember to live today

Remember to breathe in the breeze

Feel the sun on your skin

The earth beneath your feet

And live. 

I don’t want to die today

I may want to tomorrow

Perhaps yesterday I did

But today is today

And I don’t want to die today

I want to live to see the flowers bloom

I want to live to see the fireworks fly through the sky on the Fourth of July

I want to swim in a lake

Dive as deep as I can until the sun is a distant memory and the surface is lost

I want to remember how it feels to breach the surface and take a gulp of fresh air

Feel the wind in my hair

Listen to music in the car

See your smile again and again

And laugh, a laugh so real I forget to hide

A laugh so real that my mask falls off

And I am free to be myself.

Today I do not want to die

I want to live to be me.

Entirely and completely 

I can barely remember what it means

But I want it

Is this the road to recovery?

I could not tell you,

I cannot promise I won’t slide off the path from time to time.

Though I will do my best to avoid the trees 

I missed you today

But I don’t want to die today