Note to self,

The tyranny of your very own self-conscience is the battlefield in which the struggle between critical values and desire reside. Leaching and savagely seeking these mere speculative answers and clarifications. You have this sudden urgency of wanting to fix things, but you’re completely naive. You sustain a cognitive explosion of emotions within your own psyche. It undermines your very own coherent competence. Your reasoning and doubt collide. In retrospect to what you process and fathom as to be something you could or could not provide. This indifference to your very own capability which you have shunned, you my friend have tunnel vision. You’re so envisioned towards trying to halt your very own fallibility. So focused upon what others think and impossibilities! The, should of - could of - would of, scenarios and lack of dexterity. These thoughts and mixed emotions all prism up into one point of self torture upon yourself. A kind of self torture, that emotionally stabs you repeatedly, over and over for not being perfect. It’s a brutal perfectionist, pessimistic slaying within your own mind. However, hold on for a second. Look at yourself in the mirror! The image that you see in yourself can’t be any clearer. But you envision yourself in a different way. Envy sinks in, and you want to be a different person, a cliché. Incredulous to who you are anyway. You allow people to tell you that you’re nothing. Like, they know who you are! However, it’s impossible to know nothing. You are beautiful, in every way. You are something each and every single day. However, as long as “you” are being “you” and staying true to what defines, “you”. Then I applaud that. Put a smile on your face because deep down you know what I say is true. Essentially this world is ironic, we live but then we die. Every day, that passes by, you can never get back, in time. It is one more day, closer to your death. Live nonchalant and the way you know best. Don’t be down or depressed. Represent who you are, nonetheless. This grim death clock keeps on ticking. Your heart keeps on beating. Your conscience keeps on thinking. You ask yourself life’s meaning. If there is a god and if dying will be like sleeping. Your days are numbered. Your utter existence is a blink, in this aged universal life. So make it worthwhile. Live until you die. Don’t just exist. Use this time how you want to use it and not how people say you should. Don’t have trepidation of judgment for what you do or would. Just have pride in you. Forsake the past and future, its out of your control. Stay positive, stay strong and be proud of you.

Regards,

The Future You