Note to Self: Words to Fall Back On

I.

This poem is an explanation

I have always been afraid.

II.

This poem is a lesson

You’ve labored over your garden

And it is okay to step back

Gather those flowers of words and bundle them

Into sentences, into poems, into conversations

You need not hate yourself

Because you have worked long enough

You built a world in your mind but

Have you looked outside?

Out there they do not fear your flaws

Stop holding back and start holding on

Look back at your life and remember the stars

Connect them into constellations

That shine brighter in your eyes than the dark sky

Because it is time to fall forward

Instead of falling apart because

You were no mosaic

And there was nothing romantic, nothing complex

In your sadness

III.

This poem is an apology

Instead of digging into your arms, trying to hold together

The pieces of you breaking apart and coming loose,

Let these words be some kind of shovel to dig up all that

Dirt in your lungs, dirt piled on your shoulders

That you have lived with, you can let go

Or let them be glue to piece you back together

Your insecurity shattered you and it is time to rebuild

Your sadness drowned you

But these words are different

Let them wash over you with relief

Erase the mistakes you carved in your mind

Erode the walls you thought were protecting you

Because your defenses, your false humility

Was really just eating you alive

Because you only fed yourself air

Breathing was all you could manage,

Breathing was all you could appreciate

IV.

This poem is a love letter

Your mind holds storms but

Your thoughts are still lightning

And you’ve always loved the rain

But the sun still shines behind the clouds

When you close your eyes

Isn't the moon with its many craters

Loved just as deeply as the sun?

You are loved not for your flaws, not despite them

But with them

Because you are an ocean and a desert

And everything in between

Because you carry the world in your heart

And I want to hold you in my heart too

You’ve spun thread out of thoughts

Sewn yourself into others

And stitched a patchwork of memories

To keep you warm at night

Every nerve in your body, every vein

Forms the roots of a forest

And you have grown into beauty

And your bones stand as the strong trunks of aspens

It is okay that your bark is scarred, that your leaves fade,

Because I love you in all your seasons

V.

This poem is a promise

I will learn, I will love,

I will live.