Nothing

There isn’t a day that goes by

Where love is on the backburner

A thing of the past

A fleeting memory in the light of reality

It doesn’t burn out like a flickering candle

Lost in the wind

Surrendered to the mercy of the shifting breeze

It’s times like these where you resurface

Where I am unable to drown you out

You along with the ideas of you

The thoughts of you

the whatifs cycle on repeat

Inescapable alternate realities

a life I dream of, dreamt of

a life where you and I are united by three words

a single feeling, a single soul.

I can’t suppress the wave of emotions

The horrible but fantastic and thrilling possibilities

The ones that keep me guessing.

Wondering. Waiting.

For my chance to have what so many others have

But I never get that chance

I never feel in love

Not because I couldn’t

I was willing to fall

I was ready

My heart was open, its core fertile, hopeful

But nothing.

I stood there, unmoved, for the rest of my life

Never experiencing a loving touch

The words of desire and infatuation

Never so much as knew the definition of a crush

I paused anxiously awaiting the day to be someone’s everything

But, that day never came

I never found love.

Not because I didn’t want love

I couldn’t love

I was incapable of love

But, because I was unloveable.

I was the one who couldn’t be loved.

I was to blame for my own demise.

I was the reason for living without love.

I could never be anyone’s anything.

I wasn’t anything.