nothing is alright

i am consumed by the overwhelming urge to be white blank neutral unloaded nothingness i am almost apathetic i brush the bridge of idontcare i can tas- te the edge of fading but this is a strange sensation for it is not aggressive i have spend my whole being’s life’s existence’s energy TRYING to BE something to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT and now i’ve gotta bad case of simplicity colorless almost nonexistent and i am ok with it. i’m not struggling for the sensation of sensation i don’t want to FEEL anything i am numb i want shades of white humans don’t understand that this fighting all the time doesn’t work you just fight fight fight and then die and then what? give me monotony no wait i’ll find it mys- elf. i will find honesty and i will strip it and pour water over it and watch it breathe so easily in its bare truth and it is not afraid and it is not being aggressively honest nor bestially TRUE!!! it is simply there and that is all for we are all a bit numb and i am done .