November 27, 2020

Last night I dreamt of you again. This time it was us together but you had to leave. Just like always. But this time you texted me you loved me as you walked out the door. Why do I have to keep reliving this? Why do I have to keep seeing us together and seeing how happy we are but it's something we both can't obtain yet. Why must I keep seeing your face when I drift off or when I finally have a moment to myself, why must it be with you? Even though the slight thought of you still gives me butterflies, those very butterflies are slowly dying. Yes, it is magical when you dance in my head but it is your waltz that scars my skin and stains my cheeks. I am not over loving you and as much as I would like it to seece, I cannot allow myself to let go. Even though letting go will have me free of you and I will no longer see you in my dreams, I cannot. Because letting go means losing a part of myself that I loved. That kept me alive. And although it would be for the betterment of myself I cannot live without you. So for now, I will have to dream of the way you kissed me goodbye and dream of when it will be after “I do”.