Now You Don't

I'm afraid to confess I'm still heartbroken.
Therefore, I'm scared.
I'm starting to question the motives behind
This nearly-illicit romance. 

I hate to admit that I don't trust anyone.
Therefore, prepare.
For the barrage of self-loathing and second thoughts,
I have when I'm in love.

Romance translates to:
And I quote,
"Now you love me, but now you don't."
And right now,
I'm playing hide and seek, 
"Now you love me, now you don't."

I'm afraid I have to say I've been trashed badly.
Therefore, beware.
When we lean in for a screen-actor's kiss, you flinch,
And I want to kill you. 

I'm admitting that my depression is the heavyweight.
Therefore, be fair.
You can taste the pre-alcoholic in my dirty blood,
Then tell me not to drink.

Romance translates to: 
And I quote, 
"Now you want me, but now you don't."
And right now,
My mind is playing with me,
"Now you want me, now you don't."

Can't kiss me.
Can't hold me.
Can't f**k me.
He's told me.

I'll admit that I'm controlled by my fear.
So fear me.
Fear me. 

My death translates to:
And I quote,
"Now you see me, but now you don't."
And right now,
Love's playing the magician,
"Now you see me, now you don't."