Numb

I look out the windshield,
through a cloudy haze,
wondering what it was,
that got me through earlier days

I take a deep breath in,
a cloud rolls out,
that's when it hits me,
and the numbing spreads throughout.

This tingling of nicotine,
surges through a vein,
when I began smoking,
it was because I felt pain.

I wanted free from who I was,
to be somebody new,
to not be trapped inside this skin,
turning numb is all I knew.

I had lost my identity, 
who I was is in the past,
my body was taken from me,
to me this pain holds fast.

But now that I've come to realize,
the numbing is what I sought,
I won't let my past control me,
for years this is what I've fought.

I yearn for a new beginning,
one I'll start building on my own,
one foot before the other,
I must leave behind all I've known.

A bright future is awaiting,
I must travel with full feeling,
so quitting smoking is my first step,
while my mind, heart, and health are healing.