Numb

Numb. I feel so numb. Everywhere I look, there are no emotions attached. 

 

Cold. I feel so cold, even though I just got out of a hot shower. Blankets try to heat me, but nothing can. 

 

Satisfied. When will I ever be satisfied?

 

In control? It feels I never will. But then again, I can't feel anything. Only the warmth down under and a coldness on top.

 

Guilt? No. Shame? No. Satisfied? No.

 

Nothing. I feel nothing, and I know I should. 

 

No colors can brighten their look in my eyes. All seems dull. Of no worth. 

 

Even as I look down on myself, I see no worth.

 

No control. No patience. No love.

Only numb.

 

My eyes playing tricks on me, because of their regret. But none have I.

 

Why do I feel absolutely nothing? I know I should.

 

Words seem far away. Too loud. Too soft. None makes sense. Comprehension is beyond my reach. Only blurred.

 

Horrors have I seen. On my phone, all around. 

 

To others it seems natural. To me, I have tried to make it natural. Nothing works. I know it should.

 

Grief seems to spread as comprehension seems abound.

 

Feelings spread, emotion comes back.

 

Regret. Sorrow. But most of all pain.

 

Pain that colors come back. Pain that words become clear. But most of all, pain from the horrors I have inflicted upon myself.

 

Anger. Resentment. Fear.

 

It spreads and spreads, pumping in my blood. Overcoming and overwhelming.

 

Then as all seems lost, the eye plays a trick on you. Turning everything dark. Everything dull. 

 

No fear. No resentment. No anger.

No regret. No sorrow. No pain. 

 

As I look around, I feel nothing. I know I should. 

 

And yet, all I feel is..

NUMB.

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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