o father

father when have you ever known me to fall?

I am all grace and feathers,

don't you know I am all

grace and feathers,

father when have you ever known me to fall?

I am upright and proud I am 

shoulders back and chin up I am

ceaseless, endless, incapable of 

slipping

down

father when have you ever known me to weep?

that child is gone, O you haven't seen her

tear-stained face in ages, ages

walk down the many miles of your mind

and you can see that crying child

but where is she now?

father when have you ever known me to weep?

you pride yourself in the fact that I

am not the kind to wail, and to scream

and beat my fists against the floor,

isn't our blood steel? aren't our hearts wood?

isn't that my inheritance, that I do not weep?

but O father what if I told you I have fallen

what if I opened up my chest and showed you the

rot inside my heart 

what if I told you that

I have fallen so low that the darkest depths

are my friend and I 

know them well and

I am eaten alive by the abyss

but O father what if I told you I have fallen

but I could not break your heart like that

your angel, I am your angel, your

precious little one

and oh the shadows I know would bring

you to your knees and

I wonder how Satan had the courage

to look his Father in the eye and be wicked

(I wonder if Satan ever felt the guilt

wrenching in his stomach if 

his knees trembled as he rebelled if 

he wanted to hide his sin but was so tired of

trying to pretend to be a disfigured

image of perfection)

but O father what if I told you I have wept

that Fear is my closest friend, I know her 

better than I know my upright walk and

steady gaze,

that I have laid shaking in the night and

the small frame that holds this small being has

convulsed with crying and

some of it is you, most all of it is you

and you give me courage but you also give 

me fear

but O father what if I told you I have wept

would your image of me crumble and

would you shake your head and sigh the 

way you sigh at those people who admit their fear

and their sorrow

would your steel gaze soften, would your

wooden heart burn

would your stubborn mind change or would

I become weak?