Obstacles

Dear me, 

As the clock ticks, I lay in bed late at night thinking of what the future holds for me. The same thoughts and questions that haunted me, going through my head. My parents came to the United States to have a better life. Going through various obstacles. Till this day my parents talk about struggles they went through to be here, where they are now. Growing up I was told by my parents that I needed to work hard; I needed to get straight A's; and become someone they would be proud of. My parents would also tell me that I needed to take advantage of being an American and getting the good education since they didn't have opportunities that I have. But, as an inane child, I didn't bother to take school serious all the negative influence from my peers were getting trapped into my head. During my sophomore year, I started realizing that I wasn’t doing anything with my life. I was throwing time away as if it were trash. I felt trapped in this dark hole which I didn't know how to get out of. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted my life to consist of. I felt alone. I didn't have anyone guiding me, helping me figure out what the next step was. I then found strong role models that helped me stay positive and hopeful. It slowly helped me get out of the hole and completely changing my mindset positively. Time went by and I realized photography was something that I intended to turn to. Photography played a role in my life. I had always been the type of person who would take pictures on my phone no matter what it was. I felt a connection between my iphone camera since it was the only thing that I owned and the beauty of nature. I made a instagram account where I posted all the photos I have taken from my iphone and shared them on there. I had gotten inspiration from posts from all around the world taken by more experienced photographers. I wanted people to see how with a picture you can capture the beauty of this world. I got surprised with a canon camera for my birthday. Owning a camera felt different It had way more features and more buttons not knowing what those features did. I played around with a few features and figured out what a difference they made on a picture. I started taking pictures of anything around the house. Leading to my mom letting me take my sister sweet 15 pictures and my aunt's event. Having the camera was a big change in my pictures and grew a bigger passion for photography.  I was sure that this is what i wanted to do. But new thoughts started clouding. Again. Will my parents be proud of me? Will i be successful? Again those negative feelings. Every time I was told what I wanted to study my response was “I don't know” I felt embarrassed to tell people what I wanted to do. I felt as if they were going to judge and think that I'm foolish. I knew that my parents expected me to be a doctor or a lawyer. I ended up telling them. I received a reaction that I didn’t expect, they were pleased that I chose something I have a passion for. I just want to share my skills to display my journey.