An Ocean

I'm in an ocean of uncertainty,

And all these fears are drowning me.

I have words to say to you but they just won't come out.

So now I don't know what to do.

I see you walking down the hall and I want to just say 'hi',

But my low self-esteem bullies me back into silence.

What is wrong with me?

I couldn't tell you in the first place so how I tell you now?

But that is no reason why I should let myself drown.

I wish that I could show you that I'm not the same as before,

Because now I think I can make it back to the shore.

Or maybe the tide will take my soul and pull me back in,

Remind me of my failure and my crippling sin.

And that's the complicated reason why I can't find a way to talk to you,

But to be honest this ocean is probably just a big excuse.

Maybe I shoudn't allow myself to be defined by my pain,

I will bring drought to this ocean and watch myself change.

How could I be drowning in uncertainty,

When I wrote a whole book about how I believed in me?

Maybe I should live by what I wrote and find the courage to tell you.

So now I am changing.

Next time I see you walking down the hallway,

Maybe I will be able to force my doubts into endless silence.

Nothing wrong is me.