Ocean of Tears

I’m not happy, can’t you see?

I dying and crying endlessly

And when my tears dry up I’m left by myself

To crawl out of the dirt

Just to land in an ocean that I can’t swim in.

The water is so cold I feel numb,

I feel dumb

Guilt nips at my feet

“What the hell is wrong with me”

Why would I speak

They don’t want to hear my voice

They are not my friends by choice

Choice

It’s such a beautiful word

People put it on a pedestal calling it hope

But it’s a lie

Choice is a lie

If I could choose, why would I be suffering

Or do I deserve it

Do I deserve to stay awake with an hour of sleep for every week

Do I deserve to walk out of my house just to walk back in because I know,

I may not be able to see them but they are judging me

Do I deserve every wound inflicted on me by my own hand

Do I deserve the broken bones I got

When I let people damage me with their best shot

And I hoped to god the pain would end

Only for it to happen again and again

Do I deserve to dismiss all that as my fault

God everything is my fault

When peoples plans are ruined because it rained

Its my fault I even decided to go out that day

Because I made it rain

I ruined everybody’s day

When I tell people it hurts

They are worried

When I tell people the reason it hurts is because I’m numb

They leave

Everyone leaves

And I’m left to fend for myself

Slowly drowning in an ocean

Floating to the bottom of the sea

As I feel the dirt and sand sweep over me

A magical grave dug from tears and screams

All my hope floats away

Along with my dreams of escape